Molecular Sea

*Today’s word play brought to you by home made affogato-induced palpitations, James McMurtry on loop, during a 15 minute break from productivity

Inside my biological makeup of lucidities
And freeflowing what’s the matter
Amassed chubbiness and cheekiness
Spills of Bene-tinted blush
Some blood I hoped you’d never see bleed
Circulating chapters of conceptual nonsense in digestion
Matters of the heart I’d like to leave be
Stored particles which had been left to me
Along naturally lit spaces that map out
Thread counts of comforters and morning blues
Of arbitrary interim homes to miss
There are currents of caffeine and imbalanced chemicals
That tug and thwart me against my untamed wind
To the many opposites of a tumultuous sea
Like up and down; east and west
Right and wrong; pride and want
All and/or what seems like nothing
Fight or flight to flee
Right brain and leftist sympathies
Intellect sans a segment of my soul pinned to a thread
Convention and Alice-type-too-muchiness
This tropical garden; a distant snowcapped moutain
Outward and inward; to you and more of me
I’ve laid out some glass jars to catch some rainwater
That just might mend me staggering into second place peace

molecularsea

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Transit Terminal Vol. 4

*Just finished the term and got back from a weekend trip to Singapore, and here’s what life’s been like before, during, and until the next time I travel

tt4

A Singapore Airlines A380 is parked on the tarmac at the terminal of Changi International Airport. Photo: AFP

Got myself in and out of weird trouble that I was really shaken up about 😨
Improving my drinking 1.5 liters of water each day, though I should drink more 💧
Fluctuating on the flabby weighing scale
Inconsistently practicing beginners yoga from the discomfort of two mats in my room
Discovering how it’s really so hard to trust anyone nowadays
Disliking chatting for fear of being judged or misunderstood lolz
Mourning the passing of my grandfather Angkong in so many ways including love and joy
On a break from school because I chose an internship > senior practicum for now
👊 Starting my 9-5 life as an intern in a kick butt media marketing group! 💻
Having myself silent nights and a whole lot of me-time
Learning the secrets of oriental (Korean) skincare
Loving Igor from Young Frakenstein whom I think is one of the weirdest characters to grace film, now one of my favorites!
Jumping from one vlog to another
Spending lots and lots of time with family + grandma, and loving it 💞
🚗 Practice driving outsideeeee in the city finally (still can’t park)
Developing a more “moda” style and aesthetic?
Stalking vintage Parisian/Korean Instagrammers 📍 with raw, moody lit feeds 📷
Obsessing over manual brew coffee, coffee in general ☕
Bugged about my CGPA 😞
Still postponing the article I’m unsatisfied about gah
Just got back from some weird hormonal, sickness thing
Enjoying the start of bazaar season and meeting lovely folks in it
Restalked my fragrance, still waiting for my other staple
Craving Llao Llao’s Oreo Yogurt smoothie
Getting all spooked at night and losing sleep
Waiting to find the discipline to clean my room
Praying to find the self control not to purchase another 2017 planner lol
Planning some changes, fearing changes, going through changes

Featured airport: Changi Airport in Singapore

Monday done light

Start of the week errands with some shopping in a virtually empty mall at opening hour with Mom. Feels a lot like the Ayala I grew up in. It’s been a hectic, fun week of family, food, and friends, and the next will be another.

A light drizzle, a light breeze, the windows are open in between school work and online hunting for craft beer. A light cup of Bataan brew that I finally got right without tearing the filter paper for the improvised, almost pour over. A lightly thawed slice of Purple Oven’s chocolate campfire cake leftover from my brother’s birthday celebration. Then some heavy reading for class, then some light yoga in my room, and sneaking in cable in the background.

This is how to like a Monday, and perhaps the rest of the busy week.

Baby blue, caffeine-infused

*I haven’t had much junk in my system the last few weeks, not too sure why. I’ve been avoiding coffee and tea on purpose however. The last time I drank some English breakfast tea if you read the post below, and it wasn’t even so long ago haha just this week, it really really came back to bite me. I feel I don’t need the caffeine anyway, even if I love the taste and aroma so much. My brother told me although it’s good for the heart, it’s healthy, it’s a stimulant, so it’s also quite responsible for mood swings. I’ve been moody prior to learning how to drink coffee or tea though but I do believe it’s still a substance and I don’t react well to substances. I think it makes me a little more erratic and impulsive. Physically, I tend to get palpitations especially when I’m not in a good place. Like now. It also keeps me up and these days I don’t want to be kept up. If it isn’t school work keeping me up, I have enough in my mind to do that for me. But today, after not having eaten good-proper meals over the last two weeks, my mom decided to take me to an afternoon high tea place cause I usually love those, and we bumped into some other ladies. To keep me a little busy in the midst of their 4-hour conversation, I had myself more than the usual amount of caffeine that any one person would order for leisure. So much for skipping out. And boy do I feel weird. So here’s another crappy poem I’m not proud of.


Caffeine makes a heart break a little faster and a little slower.
She thought she was carrying a near broken heart tucked underneath a baby blue dress that gleamed of summer love.
It was heavy.
There were sharp edges in the walls that surrounded it for protection that did come back to hit her hard.
It sunk.
And in an attempt to carry on as normally as possible, she took casual sips from the good things in life. Tea cups of cheer-me-ups.
But then her insides drowned further in a creamy brown.
It caused her injured heart to toss and tumble throughout the rest of the day, like she did all night and all morning in bed.
“Would you like another round of impulse and regret?”
“What about a warm cup of anxiety this time? To keep you up with all your worst nightmares coming true with your eyes wide open.”
Fruity notes of Earl Grey watered the wounds she blames herself for.
A latte left to get cold never burned so much.
She looks out the car window, finds herself at home glancing past the bedroom window this time, wondering about time yet again.
It’s going too slow and all the more too fast.
She fumbles to crack open a bottle of water for a change.
Mineral water has never left such a bitter taste in her mouth.
It’s never been this hard to drink down.
She’s filled with water and caffeine in her system, spinning in hopelessness, humbly disguised in her baby blue dress which she’s just taken off because it doesn’t help.

breakinfused

when ya still want sadness to look pretty anyway

The Thank You Notes I Never Sent

“You have a way with words,” I’ve been told.

While the world is home to libraries of books that house centuries worth of literature—romantic, tragic, fictional, and truthful—written by men and women who’ve had their own ways with words on a page. The average human being uses about 14,000 words a day. Today we send texts, emails, instant messages, and make calls as much as we’ve been talking to the next person since the beginning of time. But out of all the senseless rambling and chatter-filled hours, how many of these utterances are more helpful than hurtful? How many people have we kept up at night because of the unnecessarily mean things our mouths couldn’t hold back? Have any of our words ever made someone else’s day?

We all have our own ways with words. I just hope we use them well. Better yet, to say things with love.

— {yours truly}

Thanks to Sharyl, I had the opportunity to write for Brew Your Best Year by The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, which I was thrilled to be a part of simply cause it’s one of my most frequented coffee shops. Yes, I’m a loyal and proud Coffee Bean customer. They’ve got one of my favorite hot chocolates, topped off with marshmallows and the fluffiest whipped cream ever. It’s like drinking a cloud. ☁ I usually enjoy their playlists and I really recommend their sandwiches, pastas, and breakfast selection. I’ve got lots of memories in Coffee Bean over the last couple of years.

These are the thank you notes I never sent dedicated to the people around me whom I just haven’t thanked enough.

Sky-filled eurekas

Busy and productive more often than not, feel like a chore and a pain-in-the-butt (in my case the back) that I pat myself for. Amidst my recent ache to find meaningful and purposeful work that suits my (limited) skill set, tonight I’ve finally hit eureka and I’m walking on a cloud nine of idea generating. 😊 For once, the minimum dose of caffeine has worked magically well, ei. I’m swimming in a pool of creative juices and under a sky-filled eurekas.