Molecular Sea

*Today’s word play brought to you by home made affogato-induced palpitations, James McMurtry on loop, during a 15 minute break from productivity

Inside my biological makeup of lucidities
And freeflowing what’s the matter
Amassed chubbiness and cheekiness
Spills of Bene-tinted blush
Some blood I hoped you’d never see bleed
Circulating chapters of conceptual nonsense in digestion
Matters of the heart I’d like to leave be
Stored particles which had been left to me
Along naturally lit spaces that map out
Thread counts of comforters and morning blues
Of arbitrary interim homes to miss
There are currents of caffeine and imbalanced chemicals
That tug and thwart me against my untamed wind
To the many opposites of a tumultuous sea
Like up and down; east and west
Right and wrong; pride and want
All and/or what seems like nothing
Fight or flight to flee
Right brain and leftist sympathies
Intellect sans a segment of my soul pinned to a thread
Convention and Alice-type-too-muchiness
This tropical garden; a distant snowcapped moutain
Outward and inward; to you and more of me
I’ve laid out some glass jars to catch some rainwater
That just might mend me staggering into second place peace

molecularsea

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The Sunday Currently Vol. 5

sunday5

R E A D I N G through scattered responses from interviews I conducted for an article I’m way behind on. Lately I’ve been scanning through so many how-to type sites to guide me with sending emails haha. Thank you, Google. Going to be reading a lot of chapters from the epistemology book for finals this Thursday, bless me and my extremely short attention span especially for digital materials gah PDF books

W R I T I N G that article I’m way behind on. It’s about digital collage art. It’s proving a challenge in more ways then one. Never been this late on submitting an article wah. Also going to be writing an email right before bed to further inquire and confirm something something hmm haha

L I S T E N I N G to Your Side by Vaisle which I find is on a strange level of smooth & sexy. Me and You and Love In The Dark by Gateway Drugs which I highly recommend if you’re into synths

T H I N K I N G about beginning a coffee (plus other drinks) blog? Or just a segment here in this one for that topic? I follow a ton of people on Instagram that take photos of coffee, not just the latte art types though. But I don’t intend on decorating my feed with coffee. I do spend a good amount of time these days raving about coffee, boo. I’m really curious

S M E L L I N G change? Dramatic but my usual everyday fragrance has been out of stock. It’s not a luxury brand if you must know. It’s been out for a while that I worried they might never come out with it again. But the salesperson said I can expect it by November? That isn’t the only change for my nose though. The shampoo I’ve been using since birth (not kidding), well Johnson’s discontinued it after decades. I’m really bummed out. It’s an outrage for my hair and for my nose. No more tears? Yes tears. My hair isn’t so fun to sniff anymore..

W I S H I N G the weather stays cool or gets cooler without having to be a typhoon or destructive monsoon but I’m not complaining about the suspensions

H O P I N G I successfully “paint” my nails for the first time in years. Haha if you know me, I don’t know how to? I’m a slob. Also hope to enjoy the next few weeks whilst managing my time well. I’m not known for that haha! Hoping I pass the term with flying colors and move into the new phase with little to no roadblocks. Hoping I can balance out my impulses and plans, chill and responsibility at least till this week is up

W E A R I N G a spoof shirt that says, KICKASS, one of my most worn shirts to sleep

L O V I N G today. That’s why I wrote this post. Nothing particularly special about this Sunday but I’m beginning to like Sundays with family. I grew up hating Sundays. Today I liked that we ate somewhere new for lunch (hi Erwan Heussaff again haha) and had a few spontaneous minutes in the afternoon. I also got to practice driving around with my dad off to somewhere I haven’t driven to. Greater distances, yay. I picked up some Seattle’s Best for me and my dad and it was drizzling. How great is that? Although I almost hit an old lady he claims, it was fun for me. I’ve also been in a better mood perhaps because of my recent music finds too. I also seem to think I’ve gone through the worst weeks of the term already unless of course I’m underestimating this week and overconfident in my ability to get through it

W A N T I N G to blissfully and carelessly waste away in a coffee shop alone or with company. Believe it or not, I haven’t done this in so so long

N E E D I N G to form better habits like sleeping earlier and drinking more water. Though I’ve been drinking way more water this year than I did my whole life, I say this all the time but it’s just so hard to carry out consistently

F E E L I N G contented with my state of alone-ness? Sometimes busy, sometimes free. Sometimes happy, sometimes lonely

C L I C K I N G through photos of Thai celebrities? This is so random but they keep popping up and some of them are like the prettiest or most good looking people I’ve seen haha! There’s a family I follow. I also follow the Kramers locally

The Sunday Currently is a blog link-up by siddathornton.

Monday done light

Start of the week errands with some shopping in a virtually empty mall at opening hour with Mom. Feels a lot like the Ayala I grew up in. It’s been a hectic, fun week of family, food, and friends, and the next will be another.

A light drizzle, a light breeze, the windows are open in between school work and online hunting for craft beer. A light cup of Bataan brew that I finally got right without tearing the filter paper for the improvised, almost pour over. A lightly thawed slice of Purple Oven’s chocolate campfire cake leftover from my brother’s birthday celebration. Then some heavy reading for class, then some light yoga in my room, and sneaking in cable in the background.

This is how to like a Monday, and perhaps the rest of the busy week.

A little surprised and a whole lot thankful

Today to my absolute surprise, I had myself quite a rare and fair happy day. And in my attempt to bask in the afterglow of sweat and rain, I’m going to write a little about it.

whataday

I don’t know if it’s sheer luck, coincidence, or fate but some things out of my ordinary happened throughout the day.

And I’d just like to say, thank you, Universe, for giving me this one.

Although I’m running on just two hours of rest and there’s no denying I dozed off once or twice, I’m still feeling pretty energetic from all the that’s happened in just one little day and in school if you’d believe! Little miracles do happen in Taft. They happened to me in the form of pleasant surprises, nothing huge or tangible. This isn’t an everyday thing for me, which is also why I wanna stay awake longer just to hold on to a pretty good day like this. It’s the kind of feeling you just wanna share to your friends and parents. I hate to squeal on little big things for me, still a part of me couldn’t help but to hint it.

Wishful slash over thinking aside and the uncertainty of every other day from here on out; rather the certainty that there are more ordinary days than the opposite. I want to carry this good with me.

Stay strong yet stay light, and do all things with love, to the Aidee tomorrow that might hang on to the day and day-old hope, nostalgic for a good day and a bunch of good things that have gone.

Right now I’m thankful this happened. Today’s been a pleasant surprise.

Cold showers

Summer began
with the heat of ending conversations,
from the fiction of your push and my pull,
and the way some of those words burnt me,
and it hurt.

Summer began
with lasting cold shoulders,
the only kind of cold that ever bothered me,
and how I sit under each cold shower,
waiting for artificial rainwater
to take me away.

tub

was gonna use a real photo I had but it’s in my laptop

Sunburnt

“Some days you just have to create your own sunshine,” is a pretty common quote and though it’s one of those motivational quotes that gleam with positivity, sometimes I can’t help but feel differently about it.

I’ve been called a ball of sunshine a number of times and it still surprises me but hey, maybe a part of it’s true. Maybe I’ve given some people that impression of me. And there’s nothing wrong with being a little walking lightbulb cause that only means you’re spreading some good in the world. And the world needs good. It’s a nice thing to hear. It’s nice to know you’ve somewhat brightened up someone’s day, but there’s more to life than pursuing good.

Some days you won’t have it all together. Chasing after sunshine burns a little.

Mornings you wake up with good hair and better skin are on the weekends you don’t see anybody. Nope, you can’t make the perfect sandwich without the jelly or tuna spread messily dripping down the sides. You couldn’t write the pile of papers that are still waiting to be magically typed up because you succumbed to watching sappy popcorn movies all night. You’ve been in a room with acquaintances, friends, or even a family of strangers and feel all alone. Your body isn’t getting any thinner because you felt you needed to conjure up a cold pink glass of strawberry milk because you’ve justified your fairly mediocre day. You won’t always make others happy and sometimes no amount of words of wisdom and perspectives will make you feel better. The pangs of worrying about the future because you’re twenty-something and “nowhere” creep up in between school and mindless internet surfing. And every other day has never turned out the way you pictured it to be and if anything, as expected it’s closer to dull than it is to being one-for-the-books.

Some days you just don’t have it all together. However, I’m starting to think that I won’t have it all together everyday anymore, and it’s going to be okay. 

Balls of sunshine do burn out. But cloudy days and rainy nights have their own beauty.

The dark lines underneath your eyes tell of the all-nighters you pulled, the tears you cried because you were honest and stupid enough to love that much, and every breathtaking sunrise you stayed awake long enough to catch glimpses of. You sought comfort in that jar of cookies and enjoyed every bit of it. And rom coms with a bag of Cheetos are pleasures you don’t have to be guilty about. You may not always be with perfect company, yet you’re surrounded by beautiful places that give you an overwhelming knowledge you’ll be elsewhere in three years or so. You realize you don’t have to have it all figured out at twenty-something, maybe you never will, but you’ll be okay. You can wear sweatshirts and not worry about your hair. You can take those extra fifteen minutes to snuggle up under the sheets because it’s okay to be tired. And the uneven curve of your smile no matter how much you hate it, is still your smile. You’ve shared it and that’s all the good the world has ever needed from you. You don’t have to demand so much of yourself.

More than anything, I hope you know that perfection is an illusion and even when you feel ugly or like a complete mess, that feeling isn’t your truth. When your stretch of days go bad, remember that these aren’t the defining moments of your life, but just little parts of it. These are the days you realize just what you’re made of.

You are made of sunshine, but you can also be the rain. If that’s what you need to be. If that’s what you want to be.

There are some people who love the rain, too.