relationships – Aidee Ever Upwards

Do you remember being a little kid, all snuggled up in bed in your printed PJ’s at night, and already supposed to be sound asleep? But right when you hear those familiar footsteps nearing the door, you shut your eyes and pretend to be sleeping. Then a warm shadow cast by your little nightlight moves swiftly to tuck you in and fix your blanket, leaves nothing but a trace of a gentle kiss and slips out of the room.

My mom has never failed to “tuck me in” to bed for as long as I could remember.

Before tucking me in when I was four, she’d do this funny thing to my chin that I used to get a laugh out of, blow on my stomach, and tickle me to death (or sleep). When I was eight with a burning temperature, she’d waltz right in with a thermometer on one hand and strawberry-flavored antibiotics on the other. When I was twelve and I’d mumble my goodnight and tune hers out with my earphones blasting music. When I was sixteen and she’d catch me trying on prom dresses and confiscate my phone. When we argue about boys, friends, plans, and pimples and when she wakes up to find me still pulling an all-nighter, and I’ll pretend I don’t know she’s mad at me out of concern just so I can fight for my way.

My mom and I fight almost just as much as we talk.

We’ve never had the ideal mother-daughter relationship I grew up being envious about. I saw it on TV and I saw it among many friends. I grew up wanting a mother who was sweet and warm. I used to wanna hear more “I love you’s” than “do this” and “don’t do that” or the sound of my name to be echoed by a bunch of hurtful sentences. I wanted a lenient mom who would let me do whatever I want. I wanted to go on dates, parties, and trips, then come home and tell her all about it. I wanted to be able to tell her anything and everything without the constant fear of getting in trouble. I wanted a mom who trusted me as much as she should trust that perhaps she’s done a pretty a-okay-job raising a kid that won’t get into as much trouble as she imagines. I wanted to be able to cry in front of her instead of hearing the words, “I told you so”. I wanted my little achievements to speak louder than whenever she’d pick on my little faults and flaws. I wanted a mom who was openly proud of me. And she knows this.

The same way that I know she wishes I was more obedient and demure, more passive and practical, more domesticated and simple, three inches taller and ten times stronger.

What she doesn’t know on the other hand, is that I look up to her.

It may come as a surprise to her and to everyone that’s known of our Freaky Friday tandem that I’ve somewhat grown to admire her for our differences. We’re so different and because of that, because of her, I have known what it’s like to be whole.

Ten to fifteen years from now when my friends are all having baby showers thrown here and there, I’ll probably still be scared of the thought of having kids. I know it sounds a little weird and bad, but a lot of it has to do with how I fear I’ll never be anywhere near as good as my mom is at being a SUPERMOM.

Sure, she’s not as sweet and warm as I thought all moms should be, but she’s a pinnacle of strength and grace. I’ll always wonder if I’ll be able to do what she’s done. I don’t know if I can never be more than five minutes late when I pick up my kids from school. I don’t know if I can cook six meals a week and have specialities like roast chicken, Toblerone bread pudding, the best spaghetti in the world, and pineapple Christmas ham. I don’t know if I can look at my kids and know in a snap if they’re lying and memorize the stories behind every scar and wound. I don’t know if I can take care of so many people the way my mother so selflessly built her life around her parents, her husband, and her three children. I don’t know if I can build a home the way she has, make a family what it is, and be the rock that carries it.

My mom isn’t warm, in fact my dad teases her about being cold-blooded sometimes. But my mom truly is a flame. She’s taught me where strong and smart will get you even if it had to be the hard way. She’s the purest and simplest example of unconditional love. She’s the flame of the family and it wouldn’t even be considered home without her loud echoing voice and warm touches. And I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for her.

A couple of years ago I asked my mom why I still have a nightlight in my room because I was old enough to sleep in the dark. I thought she kept it on because she was worried that I’d be afraid. But she told me she keeps it on because she wants to be able to see me when she checks up on me in the middle of the night.

Till this day my nightlight has always stayed on.

Thank you for being my nightlight and so much more, Mom.💕 Happy Mother’s Day! I’ll try to sleep earlier.

Here’s a clip of one of my favorite mom-movie moments. It’s a movie that celebrates moms out there and it really gets the water works going.

*To my elders, my folks, aunts and uncles, and teachers/professors who have nagged me and people my age about how times have changed and how things were so different ‘noong araw’ and back in the day, don’t worry the message has definitely sunk in. I think this is proof.

In half a minute, a couple of motions of the fingers, quicker than it is to pour yourself a glass of water, a message can be sent through text or chat, thanks to technology.

Just words

Only about a decade ago, it was nearly impossible to let someone you were supposed to meet at 3pm in a McDonald’s know that you were going to be a bit late because of an accident, a sudden change of plans, or if you weren’t going to be able to make it at all anymore. Now, as easy as it is to make an arrangement, it’s just as easy to get out of it by giving an excuse beforehand or even last minute, whether sincere or not, with less amount of effort, time, and even guilt.

A few decades ago, the only way to get someone to go out with you was to call up their house, clear your throat, and bottle up the courage to ask them, or you could just simply walk up to them and blurt it out. If it’s a yes, anxiously and eagerly wait around for the said date and cherish those 4 to 5 hours you have with them, and if all goes well, wish and wait for the next chance to talk and spend time with each other.

Now, you can quickly type out the sentence, “Hey! Do you wanna…?” with the help of autocorrect, hiding behind a screen, and often times even concealing the word, “date” by blurring the lines with a longer but less intimidating word, “hang out”. Next thing you know, you’re ‘hanging out’ and having a good time. Thankfully there are still some people who remember to send out a thank you message afterwards. And as often as you can still keep in contact, as often as you can still hang out; will you?

Will you confuse what you can cherish if nearly everything nowadays comes so often and easy?

Personal relationships, whether friendships or romantic relationships, should be valued and respected no matter what decade you’re living in.

Generation: Easy, Easier, Easiest

Today it’s become so easy to contact people; however, it’s becoming just as easy to take them for granted. We live in a generation that aches more when we accidentally drop our phones than when we intentionally drop people from our lives.

It’s easy to have a video call conversation on your laptop while you’re flipping through tabs, refreshing timelines, reading an article, playing a game, loading a video, replying to three other people on chat, and skimming through albums of last weekend’s parties. It’s a skill to be able to multi-task effortlessly, but it’s becoming a disease to effortlessly lose clear sight of the person on the other end of the call that you’re juggling together with all your other tasks. It’s easy to contact people so it’s pretty easy to ask someone to go out with you on any given day, two weeks from now; it’s also easy to agree to somebody else’s invite on the exact same day, and make other plans. Piling up plans and people on the same day, until it’s suddenly really easy for you to cancel.

We’ve been making so many connections, but why has it become so easy for us to disconnect?

The times

Why take for granted and throw away what our parents, in their day worked hard for and wished for, when it’s already right in front of us now? In retrospect, all anyone will ever really want is time because time means chances. Time for a chance to pop a question. A chance to say what you’ve been rehearsing in front of the mirror. A chance to finally carry out what you’ve pictured in your mind a thousand times before falling asleep. A chance to have a better conversation. Another chance to see that person that makes your heart beat a little faster.

iPod, iTouch, iPhone, iPad… But some things remain even for our parents, their parents’ parents, our kids, and let’s admit it, even us. In fact, iFeel, iWant, iWish, to spend more time with the person iLike and the people iLove. The latest fads of gadgets may change but the human heart will never cease to beat for the same reasons.

In half a minute, a couple of motions of the fingers, quicker than it is to finish a glass of water, a message can be sent through text or chat, thanks to technology. Time doesn’t just mean chances; time means opportunities.

Cyber walls and other worlds

Take this opportunity given by technology to mean what you say, to live up to your promises, and to cherish the effort people put in towards building relationships and real connections. We shouldn’t confuse what will timelessly matter for just another one of our tasks in a day because good relationships and real connections don’t come so often and easy anymore. Maybe they never have.

Don’t get lost in all the quick typing, tab switching, and clicking behind the cyber walls and bubbles we’ve subconsciously built to protect ourselves in a misdirected attempt at making life easier. These walls are being built on bricks made of missed calls and chat emojis, ‘like buttons’ and double taps, notification sounds and desensitized vibrations.

We spend countless hours scrolling on our lit up screens instead of strolling in the city streets that have lit up for us. We hunt for wifi hotspots more than we observe changes in our environments. We have refreshed our Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter feeds infinitely more times than we’ve actually fed our souls and our need for concrete experiences. We’re keeping ourselves from discovering and embracing what’s real out there in the other world that isn’t bound by a flat screen box running on 79% battery life. Don’t let technology make it so easy for you to take for granted what will always be of so much more value, and that’s the promises you make and the people that put their faith in you.